OVERWHELMED :S

I haven't blogged in so long, life has had me trapped.... So much going on that i feel at my wits end....
Broke up with my Fiance, Had a Dry Socket (sooo painful) & my Brother passed away suddenly 3weeks ago and im feeling as if things aren'y going to get better anytime soon...Im trying to keep positive but it's really getting hard. Just wishing everything and everyone would back off and give me a breather!
Not to mention trying to settle the house, which is stressful in itself... Keep telling myself just BREATHE!!!!
As for my weight loss, it's going great, well thats about the onlty thing in my life that is at the moment... Im down 45 Kilos to date & I want to lose another 15-18 Kilos then i think thats it... Im feeling alot less lethargic and more motivated & starting to look into Tummy tucks, etc now to fix all the damage iv done to my body over the years...
Its quite frustrating to feel & see all the loose skin especially on my tummy & thighs, moving around, chaffing, and just getting in the way of my New more active lifestyle!
Have found my saviour in the Trinny & Susannah Undies that help flatten and hold all the skin in place...especially when i want to wear nice fitted clothes to show off my new shape.
Another thing iv noticed thats even HARDER then losing the weight is training my MIND & learning to see myself & my body in a different way, stopping the negative self loathing thoughts & trying to look past ALL the skin...The weight has gone but the insecurities still remain! That sux! But after 25 years in the making it will take time i guess.
Thats one thing iv noticed is that the After Care ( emotional & mental side) of Lap Banding is lacking, well atleast around here... Im seriously considering forming a local support group to share experiences, tips, clothes, recipes, and maybe outings... I think its vital to address both the Physical & emotional aspects of weight loss!
Off to see Metallica on Saturday, can't wait... Then fly to Melbourne a week later to see them again :) Thank god, i need a holiday sooo bad, its only 3days but it will be great!!!!
Well im glad iv shared the latest with you all & hope people are still enjoying following my Blog, please leave me some comments, as i LOVE reading them :)
Be safe & Well

Lots to tell....

What an emotional time I’ve had lately, filled with trials and tribulations, failures and successes, heartbreak and tears… But I’m starting to see a tiny light flickering at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel-….
Some of you may have noticed that I DID IT!!! I’m officially in double figures, finally, YAY!!! That was a huge hurdle for me and I’m sooo happy and proud that I have finally got there. More mini goals to be set now…I find it helps having small goals to work towards and rewards for yourself.
I’m now newly single (long and personal story) and though it’s been a very rough start to the year, I have learnt a lot more about myself and what I want and DON’T want in my life… Having to get used to living back at my mum’s though lol…Have painted my new/old room and enjoyed doing it and making myself a sanctuary where I love to be. J
I’ve also had some exciting news…Looks like I may be on “What Not to Wear”, with Trinny & Susannah!!!! Will know in the next few days…So excited! It would do me the world of good to have a makeover and learn how to dress my NEW body, instead of covering it up! I’m such a huge fan of the show and love to watch the ladies work their magic every week J will keep you all posted.
Travel is now on the cards for me, Melbourne in November, Thailand in April, and hopefully a lot more in between…I have been bitten by the “Travel Bug” he he…Europe is calling me in the next few years I think.
Still loving shopping now, NEVER thought I would say those words, but it’s a whole new world for me! Even my foot is starting to shrink, well in width atleast. I’m starting to see that if I wear more fitted clothes, it really does make me look smaller, compared to hiding under big baggy tents! NO MORE HIDING! Especially with summer coming, it’s time to shed the layers as well as the kilos!
It’s funny how losing something so important in your life makes you put things in perspective, think about things in a different way and look at things in a different light…Life is definitely all about learning and growing and loving (YOURSELF!) as well as others! The JOURNEY so far has been exciting, trying and full of learning….And it will continue for a long time yet…
Hope everyone in Blogger land is well, happy and enjoying life.
Feel free to drop me a line………

WOW! :)

Well peoples, it has been a while... Is anyone still out there in Blogger Land? LOL.
I got quite a shock/pleasant surprise today, i went to get new work uniforms, as mine are now too big, and the lady had my Pre-Banded measurements :0 OMG!!! Here they are...
THEN- 26/5/09
BUST- 56"
WAIST- 54"
HIPS- 60"
BICEP- 17"

NOW-1/3/10
BUST- 49 3/4"
WAIST- 46.5"
HIPS- 50.5"
BICEP- 14"
Thats a total loss of 26 1/4 inches!!! :) I couldn't believe it when the lady gave them to me was a liberating moment for me...
It's crazy to think i have lost that much in Inches!!! Was so shocked when i actually seen it infront of me... Am feeling very proud of myself :) :) :)
Life has been crazy lately, up and down and round i go....My head is always buzzing with thoughts, sometimes i wish there was an OFF button lol.
Really not much to tell, i have finally cracked the 30kg mark and am excercising alot more, but not regularly enough thoughm but enjoying it when i do, just getting the motivation up to go and do it! Noticing my body changing more with the excercise, im finally seeing i DO have a shape ;), hehe.
Need to work on my eating a little though, have been falling into some old habits of eating when emotionally unstable and not eating the BEST foods, but im aware and back in the saddle again. BE STRONG!
Am also looking at getting a tattoo of the word BELIEVE on my wrist, it means alot to me and it will be a reminder every time i see it, to Believe in myself, my convictions and things that are important to me :)
Not much else to tell, house is going good, bills never end, home life is so so, family going good, etc....
Im officially another year older, and i had such a wonderful birthday, out for dinner, drinks and dancing with my mates, felt really good to go out and feel like i can just BE ME, no one stared, if anything i got so many compliments on how much weight iv lost....And it was a BIG step for me to wear a sleeveless top out in public :) The NEW Nikki is starting to emerge :)
Noticing my man seems to have some trouble adjusting to my new found confidence, i mean he has been supportive but not as much as i thought he would be...I guess its all new for him too though.
Went to ACDC, was sooo AMAZING, those guys still have it :) LET THERE BE ROCK!!! :>
Anywho, will try to upload a new pic of me, if i can work out how lol. ;p
Please leave me comments, i love to read them and see what people think of my blog and my journey :)

Come on!!!

I have not blogged in a long time, partly because i haven't really had much to tell in my Banding world and partly because my personal life has been sooo up and down! Im feeling really low today, just hate my current situation and my job and having NO money all the time and bills keep coming! Its sooo depressing!
I can't keep telling myself everything will be fine, because nothing is changing! I need and want a new job that pays better! Sorry peoples but i gotta get it out.
Let me just say... my weight doesnt seem to be changing too much the past couple of weeks, but my clothes sizes and body have... I put a size on lay-by 14 in City Chic the other week, was in shock... it's funny how every shops sizing is different, some places im a 16, others an 18, and some even a 14 lol... But i felt sooo happy and proud that i have gone from a size 24 to where i'am now :) I seriously cannot remember when i was in a 14-16 last...atleast 10years ago..WOW!!!
Still only had one fill (3.5-4mls) and thought that was odd or not normal, but talkin to a good mate and researching made me realise im quite lucky and if its workin to not stress about how many fills i have etc, it's WORKING!!!
Well im going to go and try to keep my mind busy....Might do some cleaning.
I hope people are still reading my blogs... Photos are coming.

Ho Ho Ho....

Well i will say this straight off, i sooo wasn't in the mood for Chrissy this year, so many losses and family riffs this year that christmas without ALL the family wasn't christmas to me :( Not to mention my man's first christmas without his mum, so was kind of somber...but i tried to get into it a little... But to everyone out there, MERRY CHRISTMAS, hope it was a safe and happy day for all! :)
Have to say that my Mum's face was priceless and made my day, when she seen her present, we got her a gorgeous, choc Lab, she is adorable and made my day to see Mum soooo happy!!! She named her "Bella" because she is so beautiful. And she came all the way from Goulbourn, an 8hour round trip, but well worth it :)

I got the one thing i wanted for Chrissy, a Wii/Wii Fit...its freakin awesome...my man spoiled me, LOL, and i reckon the Wii Fit will really be great for me, its fun, and you can definately feel it. So iv heard that people are cancelling gym memberships because the Wii is so good, so im giving myself 3months of using it atleast 3times a week and see how it goes...combining a mix of aerobics,flexibility, and some yoga for the mind and body...will keep u posted on the Wiisults lol...

So i have set some mini goals, now that things are starting to seem reachable...



MY GOALS:

• Be more active.


• Next 5 kilos lost, go Horseriding


• Be under 100 kilos for my 25th Birthday (19th Feb 2010), 9.7 kilos to lose.


• Do a Harbour Bridge climb, when i get into DOUBLE DIGITS.


• Treat myself to something indulgent and just for me ...(im thinking massage or sexy lingerie ;)


• Sky Dive and do Body Suspension when i get to my goal!

Lots more goals to post but for now thats all i can drum up lol.

Im fast learning that setting small, achievable goals is a great way to stay motivated and reward yourself for al the hard work...Though i must say for me, it's been surprisingly easy so far (touch wood) LOL...I mean, yes, i do have to work with Pammy and stay focused but it doesn't consume me anymore, food, dieting, guilt, all are subsiding and im finally starting to look at myself in a whole new light! :)

My body is finally starting to change and i feel bones i never knew i had hehe...Looking forward to spending my Chrissy money on some much needed new clothes and bra's LOL...

Also noticing how my body is responding to shedding 28.3 kilos, my periods are regulated, my skin is clearing, Dr tested my hormones, liver, insuline etc, everything is now "normal", and i haven't heard that since i can remember, Dr also thinks my PCOS symptoms will be gone in the next 12-18months... :) so that in itself is more then enough reward and reason to have been united with my Pammy :) love you girl LOL... ;p

It's hard to explain what i mean, but it seems since being Banded, my mind has changed along with it, like now i have this "tool" to help me i no longer feel pressured etc, im not really trying too hard and im losing the weight, i stop when im full and i try to eat healthy (most of the time) LOL...I feel like a weight, in the literal and metaphorical sense has been lifted off me....i can breathe, i can be me, i can start to LIVE!!!

Movin on up....

Hello possums! ;), LOL. It has been a while...iv just had so much going on and everytime id start blogging i wouldn't get to finish, so here i'am...final attempt,LOL...

Yesterday was 4months Banded for me, and i have to say it was a rather reflective day indeed! Decided to sort through my wardrobe and clear out what fit and what didn't...To my surprise, there was alot more to keep then i thought :) found a couple of gorgeous satin dresses that id bought and never worn (didn't fit), and was nervous to try them...THEY FIT!!!! Iv FINALLY started to see and realise just how far iv come and how much my body is changing.

Im starting to see why all those "skinny" girls love shopping so much...im looking more and more forward to doing that massive shop at the end of my journey, might be time to invest in a credit card LOL! ;p

Had alot going on in my personal life and lets just say it's been rocky, but im trying to keep positive and push on...Whatever will be will be right!

Four months have really flown by and i received a letter from my Dietician, saying iv probably had 2 or 3 Fills by now, but in my case iv only had 1...And im starting to feel like maybe i should have had more or should be doing more, but my weightloss is still steady and my portions are still good, so im not sure if i need more or not...Suggestions, advice, etc welcome :)

I did make an appointment for December 14 for a Fill, but im not sure if i need it or how much i should have...Im thinking only .5-1 ml??? Im thinking i may wait til the New Year...

The main thing i need to work on is eating more salads, fresh fruit and veg etc and workin more protein into my diet but i think im doing pretty good...Am starting to pay more attention to the foods that fill me up and keep me full and it helps alot...Also MUST UP my WATER intake, iv slacked off! Naughty Nikki!!! *smack*... And excercising more!!!

Have picked out mums puppy for her for Chrissy (shhhh, she doesn't know) LOL...Shes a gorgeous chocolate labrador and is sooo friendly and affectionate and darn adorable...My man and i drove 4hours to pick her out and then are going to drive 2hours to pick her up on the 19th :) And i get to babysit til Christmas day yay!!! :)
Well on that note im off to bed...But im happy to be back and fighting fit. xo

Awakening...

What a turbulent year, especially the last few months! Had a few big discussions with people yesterday, that were long overdue and shed alot of tears and truths yesterday...was a relief but also i still feel in limbo and i hate that! But all in good time, life is all about timing, so im learning.
Food and band wise everything is going pretty smoothly, plodding along and not much to report really...weight is still coming off slowly, and im not having any issues with my band, other then if i drink too fast i get shoulder tip pain, i noticed i got it when i had a few beers on saturday...But i know i could speed things up with some excercise, which i will, but currently don't have the time or energy to commit myself, so after Chrissy im hooking in! :) LOL.
Someone made a comment about the fact that iv only had one fill of 4mls in my band since September, but i really don't feel the need to go back as yet, im still only eating off a bread n butter plate, not hungry in between meals and am not PBing etc, so im rather content with where im at and my progress :) Just seemed like as a banded person they felt the need to tell me where they thought i should be! Lol...i don't fall for peer pressure anymore :p hehe.
Am going to get my mum a choc lab puppy for Chrissy, and surprise her, she's always wanted one and i found the most gorgeous litter, soooo freakin cute, but around 6hours away :s but i will go the distance for my mum, heck it's the least i can do xox Plus i get to babysit it til chrissy :) yay!
Next week i go to Pearl Jam and then go away for 4days with my Ladies :) should be excellent, nice private cabin, with pool, and plenty of cocktails hehe ;) And it will just be good to destress, no man, no work, no drama's, just chill, god knows i need it! ME TIME!!! LOL...
Seen Nickleback and Static X last week, OMG, soooo amazing, had no voice and could barely move my neck after all that but i had the best time! Music moves my soul!!!
Well im off here now to enjoy the gorgeous day before work.
To all in Bloggerland, smile, be safe and have fun.... Drop me a line sometime :)