Come on!!!

I have not blogged in a long time, partly because i haven't really had much to tell in my Banding world and partly because my personal life has been sooo up and down! Im feeling really low today, just hate my current situation and my job and having NO money all the time and bills keep coming! Its sooo depressing!
I can't keep telling myself everything will be fine, because nothing is changing! I need and want a new job that pays better! Sorry peoples but i gotta get it out.
Let me just say... my weight doesnt seem to be changing too much the past couple of weeks, but my clothes sizes and body have... I put a size on lay-by 14 in City Chic the other week, was in shock... it's funny how every shops sizing is different, some places im a 16, others an 18, and some even a 14 lol... But i felt sooo happy and proud that i have gone from a size 24 to where i'am now :) I seriously cannot remember when i was in a 14-16 last...atleast 10years ago..WOW!!!
Still only had one fill (3.5-4mls) and thought that was odd or not normal, but talkin to a good mate and researching made me realise im quite lucky and if its workin to not stress about how many fills i have etc, it's WORKING!!!
Well im going to go and try to keep my mind busy....Might do some cleaning.
I hope people are still reading my blogs... Photos are coming.

Ho Ho Ho....

Well i will say this straight off, i sooo wasn't in the mood for Chrissy this year, so many losses and family riffs this year that christmas without ALL the family wasn't christmas to me :( Not to mention my man's first christmas without his mum, so was kind of somber...but i tried to get into it a little... But to everyone out there, MERRY CHRISTMAS, hope it was a safe and happy day for all! :)
Have to say that my Mum's face was priceless and made my day, when she seen her present, we got her a gorgeous, choc Lab, she is adorable and made my day to see Mum soooo happy!!! She named her "Bella" because she is so beautiful. And she came all the way from Goulbourn, an 8hour round trip, but well worth it :)

I got the one thing i wanted for Chrissy, a Wii/Wii Fit...its freakin awesome...my man spoiled me, LOL, and i reckon the Wii Fit will really be great for me, its fun, and you can definately feel it. So iv heard that people are cancelling gym memberships because the Wii is so good, so im giving myself 3months of using it atleast 3times a week and see how it goes...combining a mix of aerobics,flexibility, and some yoga for the mind and body...will keep u posted on the Wiisults lol...

So i have set some mini goals, now that things are starting to seem reachable...



MY GOALS:

• Be more active.


• Next 5 kilos lost, go Horseriding


• Be under 100 kilos for my 25th Birthday (19th Feb 2010), 9.7 kilos to lose.


• Do a Harbour Bridge climb, when i get into DOUBLE DIGITS.


• Treat myself to something indulgent and just for me ...(im thinking massage or sexy lingerie ;)


• Sky Dive and do Body Suspension when i get to my goal!

Lots more goals to post but for now thats all i can drum up lol.

Im fast learning that setting small, achievable goals is a great way to stay motivated and reward yourself for al the hard work...Though i must say for me, it's been surprisingly easy so far (touch wood) LOL...I mean, yes, i do have to work with Pammy and stay focused but it doesn't consume me anymore, food, dieting, guilt, all are subsiding and im finally starting to look at myself in a whole new light! :)

My body is finally starting to change and i feel bones i never knew i had hehe...Looking forward to spending my Chrissy money on some much needed new clothes and bra's LOL...

Also noticing how my body is responding to shedding 28.3 kilos, my periods are regulated, my skin is clearing, Dr tested my hormones, liver, insuline etc, everything is now "normal", and i haven't heard that since i can remember, Dr also thinks my PCOS symptoms will be gone in the next 12-18months... :) so that in itself is more then enough reward and reason to have been united with my Pammy :) love you girl LOL... ;p

It's hard to explain what i mean, but it seems since being Banded, my mind has changed along with it, like now i have this "tool" to help me i no longer feel pressured etc, im not really trying too hard and im losing the weight, i stop when im full and i try to eat healthy (most of the time) LOL...I feel like a weight, in the literal and metaphorical sense has been lifted off me....i can breathe, i can be me, i can start to LIVE!!!

Movin on up....

Hello possums! ;), LOL. It has been a while...iv just had so much going on and everytime id start blogging i wouldn't get to finish, so here i'am...final attempt,LOL...

Yesterday was 4months Banded for me, and i have to say it was a rather reflective day indeed! Decided to sort through my wardrobe and clear out what fit and what didn't...To my surprise, there was alot more to keep then i thought :) found a couple of gorgeous satin dresses that id bought and never worn (didn't fit), and was nervous to try them...THEY FIT!!!! Iv FINALLY started to see and realise just how far iv come and how much my body is changing.

Im starting to see why all those "skinny" girls love shopping so much...im looking more and more forward to doing that massive shop at the end of my journey, might be time to invest in a credit card LOL! ;p

Had alot going on in my personal life and lets just say it's been rocky, but im trying to keep positive and push on...Whatever will be will be right!

Four months have really flown by and i received a letter from my Dietician, saying iv probably had 2 or 3 Fills by now, but in my case iv only had 1...And im starting to feel like maybe i should have had more or should be doing more, but my weightloss is still steady and my portions are still good, so im not sure if i need more or not...Suggestions, advice, etc welcome :)

I did make an appointment for December 14 for a Fill, but im not sure if i need it or how much i should have...Im thinking only .5-1 ml??? Im thinking i may wait til the New Year...

The main thing i need to work on is eating more salads, fresh fruit and veg etc and workin more protein into my diet but i think im doing pretty good...Am starting to pay more attention to the foods that fill me up and keep me full and it helps alot...Also MUST UP my WATER intake, iv slacked off! Naughty Nikki!!! *smack*... And excercising more!!!

Have picked out mums puppy for her for Chrissy (shhhh, she doesn't know) LOL...Shes a gorgeous chocolate labrador and is sooo friendly and affectionate and darn adorable...My man and i drove 4hours to pick her out and then are going to drive 2hours to pick her up on the 19th :) And i get to babysit til Christmas day yay!!! :)
Well on that note im off to bed...But im happy to be back and fighting fit. xo

Awakening...

What a turbulent year, especially the last few months! Had a few big discussions with people yesterday, that were long overdue and shed alot of tears and truths yesterday...was a relief but also i still feel in limbo and i hate that! But all in good time, life is all about timing, so im learning.
Food and band wise everything is going pretty smoothly, plodding along and not much to report really...weight is still coming off slowly, and im not having any issues with my band, other then if i drink too fast i get shoulder tip pain, i noticed i got it when i had a few beers on saturday...But i know i could speed things up with some excercise, which i will, but currently don't have the time or energy to commit myself, so after Chrissy im hooking in! :) LOL.
Someone made a comment about the fact that iv only had one fill of 4mls in my band since September, but i really don't feel the need to go back as yet, im still only eating off a bread n butter plate, not hungry in between meals and am not PBing etc, so im rather content with where im at and my progress :) Just seemed like as a banded person they felt the need to tell me where they thought i should be! Lol...i don't fall for peer pressure anymore :p hehe.
Am going to get my mum a choc lab puppy for Chrissy, and surprise her, she's always wanted one and i found the most gorgeous litter, soooo freakin cute, but around 6hours away :s but i will go the distance for my mum, heck it's the least i can do xox Plus i get to babysit it til chrissy :) yay!
Next week i go to Pearl Jam and then go away for 4days with my Ladies :) should be excellent, nice private cabin, with pool, and plenty of cocktails hehe ;) And it will just be good to destress, no man, no work, no drama's, just chill, god knows i need it! ME TIME!!! LOL...
Seen Nickleback and Static X last week, OMG, soooo amazing, had no voice and could barely move my neck after all that but i had the best time! Music moves my soul!!!
Well im off here now to enjoy the gorgeous day before work.
To all in Bloggerland, smile, be safe and have fun.... Drop me a line sometime :)

HAPPY BAND DAY TO ME (& PAMMY) :)

What a great day iv had! Can hardly believe it's already been 3 months since i made the choice, to save myself and my life and take control!!! And the day i met my Pammy :) 22Kilos down so far and "really" starting to see it.
Had a customer iv known for years say to me tonight "OMG Nik, u have lost so much weight, u look fantastic" she said she wanted to say something to me ages ago but wasn't sure if she should, lol, incase i was sick or something, even though i didn't look sick LOL, i told her she had made my night :) was very sweet and uplifting, and made me feel proud of myself! :)
It's amazing just how much i have changed inside as well, in such a short time, as my mate Bridgy and i were saying a while back, the Band does something to ur mind and spirit, but at the same time u have to meet ur band half way and make.
It's just been a very reflective day and also just all round good, balanced in the box at work Lol, had fun, and was just a good day :)
Two days off, YAY!!!! Tomorrow im going out for lunch for my mates Birthday and it could get messy LOL, really looking forward to chilling out with my mates and a few quiet ones, or alot hehehe ;),
I think friday shall be a day of relaxing and possibly a night of BBQ's with my friends and family...and swimming! Yes folks u heard right!!! Im swimming!!! Can u believe it!!?? I can't!!! It's awesome, i bought a cute pair of swimmers which are really flattering and i feel rather comfy swimming in my own pool with people around and i didn't think i would..I can't believe i let myself miss out on something i love soooo much for sooo long!!! NEVER AGAIN! The real test will be in a few weeks, when i go away with my Ladie's to a resort, me, strangers, swimmers, hmmm...Ahhh fuck it hehehe Piece of cake, so to speak LOL. :),
Food has been really good the past couple of days, but bad that i haven't really eaten alot, not because i can't, just because of the heat and not really feeling hungry...It's funny how i used to eat even when not hungry, i felt i had to, or i was missing something, and don't get me wrong i occasionally have the odd too much too eat , especially sweets, but with my Pammy i'am limited still so it's not anywhere near where i was pre banding.
Was going through some old papers and found an affirmation a Reiki Master i knew years ago told me to say every morning... "I'am Love and i'am Choosing to Love and Approve of Myself " I have started saying it and it resonates with me...hope it does with someone else out there too...especially women, we need to love and approve of ourselves!!! We Deserve it! xox

Confronting...

Firstly, HAPPY HALLOWEEN, to all the ghouls out there! :>

U know what people....its funny how life is all about timing, the right place, moment, person, etc....And it's no different when it comes to accepting yourself and confronting all ur demons...

As i said in my previous blog, i seem to be consumed with Self Sabotage and also the fact of dealing with my new body and spirit that is emerging. I guess i assumed that with the weight loss my mind would catch up but it seems that our minds are our worst enemies at times....especially when it comes to body image!

I mean think about it, if u have been overweight for all or most of ur life it becomes like a security blanket, ur "shield" from the world and people, the only thing u have ever really known and the only body u feel safe in and are used to looking at...It's quite a world turner to start to see ur body change and to hear and see peoples reactions and to start to "REALLY" see yourself, for the first time!!!

I'm loving the changes but am a little scared of whats to come, the unknown, the realisation that I'm someone special and that I'm deserving of all things beautiful and amazing! :) Just got to get my head around that concept and i will be right...

Thanku to the 3 lovely ladies who wrote such supportive, kind and helpful words on my last blog, i appreciate it and its good to know that I'm not the only one struggling against "myself" at times...It helps to hear from people who are Wise Bandsters and gives me the push i need sometimes :)

One thing I'm noticing too is that my skin really needs to be toned :s years of stretching has really stretched and strained my skin, so i will have to do my best to fix it and whatever can't be done on my own i might have to see Mr Scalpel LOL...

Food wise, i think i need a spanking... I have been craving sweet things and giving into my cravings, (naughty Nikki!!!) and feeling like crap for it. I'm thinking i may need to start up my food diaries again and really pay attention to what keeps me fuller for longer.

Had some blood taken yesterday, just to see how things are going and how my hormone, iron etc levels are, as i have been sooo tired and sluggish lately, am thinking I'm lacking something, so be interesting to see results.

Whats happening in the Land Of Bloggers??? Everyone seems to be very quiet on the blogging and commenting department.... Cooee!!!!??? LOL.

I'm curious, does anyone have problems sleeping on their tummies since being banded? Does the Port get in the way?

Well really not alot to tell other then the fact that I'm buggered, did 9hours last night, finished at 1am, was in bed at 2:45am and then back at work at 9am ;s Not happy Jan!!!! 2 coffee's down, may require a 3rd lol!

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and stays happy and safe. :) :) :)

self sabotage :s

Isn't it funny how u can be going so well, proud of urself, content with ur progress, then BANG....U sabotage urself!!! After cracking my 20 kilo goal, i seem to have subconsciously started to sabotage myself, eating crap late at night and just making bad decisions when it comes to food! Grrrrr. Its like u see how well u are going then freak out and start going backwards.

Has anyone else experienced this???

I think alot of it has to do with stress, and the fact that it is scary and exciting and daunting to lose weight and see ur body and spirit change and grow, its all new, especially if u have never been thin in ur whole life, its all new and unknown. So i think i just need to breathe and re-boot LOL. No more emotional eating (will try anyways).

So i finally had something stuck, choccy cake, must have been a sign not to eat it! LOL...God damn it hurt, i haven't PB'd anything since i got my Pammy, but the other night i had the munchies so attempted some choccy cake, must have not chewed enough and it got very stuck, wouldn't go down and wouldn't come up, even tried to bring it up but nothing budged. Hoping that doesn't happen again anytime soon, not pleasant.

Bloody fluid retention is playing havoc with my Pammy at the moment, making me bloated and craving anything sweet!!! Im thinking i may be due for a small fill, i just feel my portions may be a little big at times and that im more hungry in between meals, so i think i shall say Fill Me Up Buttercup hehe ;)

Narrowed down the Port pain i was having to lifting, seems whenever i lift anything reasonably heavy or push against something i end up tender around my port site, so im glad i know what it is and i feel a bit better...am more cautious now.

Im at work and am bored to tears, in the TAB, 2 customers and 5.5hrs to go :s JOY! LOL...
Well im off for now, not much to tell.
Why is everyone so damn quiet on here lately? :p Lol.