Sunday, August 31, 2008

I've Arrived! :)

Well Peoples, i made it to QLD ( well Byron Bay actually ) yesterday,twas a 9hour drive, but i really enjoyed it...beautiful scenery, and nice to have a long trip with my man...I even got to see the "Big Banana" though i was expecting bigger lol, the highlight of my trip so far hehehe! We stayed at a 'little' cabin last night (literally), it was like being in a sardine tin...and soo old, i like rustic, but this was just rusty! lol
We are now in beautiful Kirra for the next 3days, apartment is awesome...sooo big and tomorrow we r going to Dreamworld....Just hoping i can go on the rides!!! But am excited! Then go to the concert on Tues night then my surprise from my man Wed yay, can't wait!
Am so stoked to be away on hols, and looking forward to the wedding on saturday, iam now the official "Driver" for the groom/groomsmen...get to show off my hot car...Marilyn is her name! hehe...
As for the eating habits, have tried to be good, but drinking a bit and had Homer Hudson last night, so yum...but will keep trying to be good. And my damn ankle is still up like a balloon, its pissing me off, want to walk around the town and see things but its still so damn sore, grrrr...trying to keep it elevated and rubbing paw paw ointment into it to try to bring out the bruising, fingers crossed! Is it normal for a sprain to still be swollen 3days later??? Any ideas on how to help it?
Thanku for the comments, keep em coming.
Anyways im off to drink my Bundy,hehe, ciao for now :)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Crappy Start...

Well today started off ok until i sprained my ankle, damn dogs left one of those king size bones right infront of the laundry door, and i didn't see it, ankle went left, i went right! Thought i had broke it, but 3hours later ant the ER and its just a bad sprain.... I have great timing with my trip to QLD on saturday, sooo hope it gets better, and i had to give up an 8hour shift at work, my poor supervisor heard me crying and it takes a bit to make me cry.
I just had to vent my pain and frustration, but i just took 3neurofen so hopefully it will ease soon. So enough of me whinging... but im home alone and had no one to talk to... not that anyone reads these anyway... And if u do people would u leave me some comments, its depressing seeing Zero comments everytime i log on :(

Not Long....

Good morning all...I decided to drag my butt out of bed early to try to get an early start on my packing for QLD before i have to work, got called in at 6.50am for an early start...damn work, need the $ but really didn't want to go in, but more $ for QLD i guess.
So i have got the longest list of things to pack, i love lists lol... hoping i don't forget anything...I now can't pick which dress i want to wear to the Wedding now, lol, so indecisive. And to be honest a tad nervous about the theme parks, and the rides, will i be able to go on many because of my size...they should make the harness' bigger for EVERYONE! So hope i can go on some, especially lethal weapon. I cannot wait for the day that i don't have to worry about that sort of thing, bring on my Band!!!
I had a similar experience to Skinny Biddy last night at work, i can be a bit of a push over and often bite my tingue to avoid conflict, but had some idiot customers who were giving me grief and getting agressive, so i cut them off and asked them to leave, then one lit what i thought was a smoke right infront of me inside the club, and blew it in my face, i told him to put it out or i would get security, he kept smoking and then i realised it was a joint, i called security and then he got thrown out along with his buddy... my boss said i shouldv called him sooner and went off, i tols him that if security was around like they should be this wouldn't have escalated in the first place...he had nothing more to say and i felt empowered!!! Finally i grew some balls lol... No more letting people walk over me! Nuhuh! :)
So to all u women out there don't take any Shit off people, especially men!
Well im off now, need a coffee...

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Very Interesting...

Well what an interesting morning iv had... My Bf rang me to ask me what i had planned for our teip to QLD, he is planning something, as am i, hehe sneaky sneaky...iv bought tickets to see Disturbed (one of the greatest Metal bands) in Brissy while we r up there, its his fav band and he has no idea ;) Cant wait to see his face when he see's them, I bought the tix and told him they were sold out lol....And apparently he has a whole day planned for me... i love surprises. So will keep u all posted.
Boy did i get another pleasant surprise this morning, jumped on the scales just on a whim and to my surprise they say i was 132.7kg and i haven't even really been trying, am pretty happy, maybe my new positive attitude is taking affect lol... YAY!!! :)
Started my day off with a coffee and a bowl of porridge with fruit, so far so good... am going out for tea tonight so have to see if i can be a good girl. So on my day off it's house work, study, and not much else...Great! But someone has to do it. Iv been thinking about my relationship, i'am sooo happy, i have found such an amazing guy... And i never thought i would. he has been my rock through everything and he always believes in me and makes me feel so special...i know what people mean when they say when u find the one u will know...well i know.
Hmm so what else is new, not much...Just keeping busy...

What A Day!!!

Hi all! Well what a day iv had... just got home from a 10.5 hour shift at work, great $ but damn shitty organisation on managements behalf! Am sooooo tired. Its so frustrating sometimes, but on the bright side made $25 in tips :) Might hit my man up for a foot rub, hehe.
I was doing better today, eating healthy and drinking plenty of water, that was until i finished work and grabbed a twix choccy...my weakness... but not going to beat myself up, just back in the saddle again tomorrow and back on track. Just needed a sudar hit,lol.
Only 6days til QLD, bring it on i say! Iv got soo much college work to do, 2 assignments at once oh joy, but i'll get stuck into them tomorrow. Day off, sleep in woohoo.
Have heard about my friends room mate who has been having accupuncture and chinese herbs and has lost 56kgs in a year...im going to look into it, might be a less invasive alternative then the Band, will see. Am starting to feel hopeful for a change and seeing that i have options out there and that iam not the only one going through this...im not alone, though i feel that way sometimes!
Well im off for a hot shower and hopefully a foot rub ;>
Bye for now....

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Take two... :)

So the time has come for yet another blog....im quite liking this blogging stuff...it really is a big help to write down what u r thinking, feeling, wanting, hoping etc...
Well iv now decided that i will try to firstly deal with my emotions and the reason behind y i eat when im feeling emotional before next year when i can get the band... i think that would be the sensible thing to do, because the band will be my tool and i don't want to spend all that money and time getting it if im not going to do the work and meet it half way, with my eating habits how they r now i would only end up sabotaging myself in the end otherwise. So yes, thats my plan!
Iv had a great day today, feeling really positive and quite happy with myself. :) I picked up my dress from the dressmaker today, it looks great! Im going to a real 'posho' wedding next weekend in QLD and wanted to look hot...so i feel i look pretty hot,lol well i think i look nice anyways, will post some pics soon. I so can't wait to get away, think it will do me the world of good!
So iv also planned to start eating better, not dieting, but just watching what i put in my mouth instead of mindlessly consuming things... its worth a try.
Iv started looking at the big picture of what i want and hope to achieve and i think that that will give me more enthusiasm and drive to get what i want out of me and my life....and down the track the Band.
Hi ho hi ho its off to work i go....damn shitty 3hour shift, i soooo couldn't be fucked goin, but u get that...
Back again soon...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Journey To Finding ME!!!

Well well im here, finally, a place where i can vent and share my journey with people on the same path as me and those who have been down this path and r NOW living the life they always dreamed...
Its taken me 23years to decide that enough is enough, i need help, i need to change the path im on before i head over a cliff! And more importantly i WANT to Change! Im not sure if its self destructive or self medicating, or maybe both, but food and i have always had a love HATE relationship... For as long as i can remember i have been overweight, suffering within myself and my own image of me and who iam...i have never had a good self image or thought others perceived me as anything more then the Fat Girl! Iv had total strangers shout things out of there cars like Fatso, Heffer,Lose some weight, and people have even asked me if i was pregnant... all of these broke my heart and drove me deeper into my dark hole, where food was my friend and my comforter, and would not judge me.
I can HONESTLY say i have tried EVERY type of diet from Pills,Shakes,Low Carb,No Carb,Low Fat,High Protein,Detox,Juice Diets,Soup Diets,WW,Jenny Craig, Lite n Easy,Hypnosis, to more extreme measures like not eating at all(which didn't last long lol) and throwing up what i did eat(stupid i know),i could go on....all with little or no effect, especially long term...im sure alot of u can relate!
Finally i found out about Gastric Banding whilst watching ACA on tv, and began researching it, i then went to the seminar with Dr Munro and was feeling quite hopeful,like maybe,finally,there was a light at the end of the tunnel.... I went home and the next day i rang NIB and told them i wanted to have the surgery,so excited, and making sure i was covered and can u believe it, because it had dropped my cover earlier that month i was told that they would NOT cover me,even though i just went back on the higher cover again. Just because i missed out on the "cooling off period" by 6days, 6 damn days, and instead of only waiting 2months for the band i will now have to wait 12months!!!!!!! I could have cried, my lifeline felt as though it had been severed... I appealed it and even though i had been a loyal client for 5years and payed them a shitload of money, that didn't seem to matter, i got a nice message on my answering machine the next day...'ur claim has been REJECTED"!!! So 12months wait it is.
Having PCOS/insuline resistance, aswell is also a HUGE reason i want this surgery, as i want a happier, healthier me, and i also want a family in the next few years and want to be able to be energetic and playful with my kids and confident in myself...
My mum and partner have been so super supportive of me and my decision to get Banded, my partner thinks i don't need it and loves me regardless of size, but understands why i need and want this for ME! I love them both so much and wouldn't be able to do it without their love and support! I have decided to keep it quiet til iv had the surgery as for me this is a very personal journey i HAVE to take and then if people ask questions after, i will gladly tell them.
I have met a great gal who has become an awesome source of support and friendship in the short time we have known each other," Miss Skinny Biddy" thanks girl, u have been very informative and a good mate! :) And a huge inspiration!!!
And for the first time in sooo long i can smile and know that iam on my way to a new, happier, healthier me and a new Fun, Fulfilling, and Beautiful life....
Let the Journey begin...