Feeling Inspired Again

I was watching Oprah this morning and happened to see some stories of peoples weightloss transormations, was sooooo inspiring and they did it by themselves, on lady lost 4oo pounds, thats insane! and she did it by slowly cutting down her food intake, slowly doing little bits of excercise and listening to her body, i know i know it all sounds like common sense, and i have been there before but i think maybe i tried to jump into it head first and too quickly, so im going to try her approach and take baby steps and see where it gets me...its worth a try and maybe i will not sabotage myself, like i always do... Its just another avenue im prepared to take, and it might be a better option then the band... its such a big decision to make!
My partner is so motivated to do this as well, he went for a walk on his own last night cause i had to work back and is not drinking grog during the week anymore... he pushes, encourages me and always makes me feel like i can do whatever i put my mind to, now i just have to try to do that too. We are going walking tonight and iam kinda looking forward to it, no more excuses not to go walking or move, i have to, not only for my weightloss but for my general health and my puppy dogs,lol as they haven't been walked in such a long time and they deserve to be.
Had a bowl of Just Right with lite milk for brekky.
Am going to have a small bowl of Cicken and rice for lunch or maybe some crackers and tuna, a piece of fruit and or a yoghurt...And drink more water, drink more water, drink more water.
Am hoping to really do something for myself this time.
I also noticed yesterday that when i got upset about something, i went straight for a choccy, and i realised it and almost stopped myself, but gave in, but its a good sign that i finally realised what i was doing, which has never happened before...so perhaps a start in the right direction!?
Well iv had my little splurge of words and let u all know where im at at the moment.
Until next time.....

its all happening...

Alot has been happening since i last blogged, hence the lack of blogging,lol. Well im almost finished my prac and i have been offered 2 jobs one CAS and one PT looking after a quad locally and iam stoked its a great opportunity, will give me more experience and confidence to do what i love. and i get every 2nd weekend off,yay!!!
Was my mum's Birthday yesterday, took her out for a nice Cafe brekky and got her a 2hr massage,facial,mani and pedi etc, she deserves it. and then had a bbq with the family in the arvo, was a goo day.
Looks like my nan isn't coming home from the nursing home either, all because my pop has money and can't bear to part with it to get the house reno's that nan needs done to get home. She is hating us all for it too, and keeps saying we don't love her and we are putting her in an early grave, it breaks my heart seeing her in there and the care she is getting is so shitty! So the best we can do is try to find her somewhere nicer to stay and keep going to see her everday and trying to keep her spirits up...old age is so sad because u know we all have to get there and u wonder who will look after you and come to see you.
My partner and i have also decided to start walking together and eating more healthily,we need to, and it will give us both more encouragment to do it if we do it together. I have had heartburn for 3days and i dont know why...its driving me insane!
I haven't weighed myself for a week and a half now, am doing good, stopping the obsession thing lol. And have noticed im alot happier not weighing myself everyday.
Am planning to go to Bali next year also, sooo excited, i love Bali, and the people, i could so live there and be happy.
I actually got to go out on friday, it was great to let loose for the night and have a few drinks and dances with friends, i never get to do it, had a ball but payed for it the next day, but was worth it.
So thats been my week, rather eventful and full on but good.
Now im off to do my assignment....like a good girl....

and it's gone again!

I have had a turbulent week, between family drama's that never seem to end, work, study and fighting my own battles in my head i am drained, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I slipped alot with my healthy eating and undid all the good work i had put in! I seem to have lost all the positive vibes and self encouragment that i had not so long ago. And i'am trying really hard to stop beating myself up, i just feel like i defeat myself all the time, with my emotional eating and i know that i have to get it under control before i get banded or it will be pointless! ARRRRGH FRUSTRATION!!!
But am trying to not be to down on myself, trying. I just am back at the stage where i feel nothing looks good on me and i feel uncomfy around people, at times. I just keep saying snap out of it Nik!!!
On the other hand i finally got some material to make some work shirts, yay, now i can can get some made that actually fit.
Nearly finished my assignment for college,and am back doing prac again for 3days at the nursing home, am still loving it.
Iv been looking online for wedding venues, just for curiousity and fun and there are some gorgeous places around that are reasonable in price and i think i have found the dress that i love! We will see, though i should probably wait for the ring lol...
Well im off to clean up and go see my nanna..
And try to keep positive!!! Think happy thoughts...

trying new things....

Well today i went back to the Nursing home to do my prac, and met some more gorgeous residents, had a good day this time actually got to do more, fed them, made beds, used a stand aid lifter and helped out in general. Apparently next week i will be showering, dressing etc all on my own, excited but kinda scared, just nervous about hurting someone or doing something wrong,and haven't had much practice, plus im going to be assessed as i do it, eeek! But overall a good day, and i got an early mark. Have to make up a few days i missed whilst on holidays and when my ankle was sore...but should be able to catch up...
On the way home i stopped in at a Scrapbooking store to check out what it was about and am thinking of doing a course there to learn how to do it, it is such a great way of preserving memories and pics, and i was amazed at what u can do with it, so many designs etc and u r only limited by ur imagination... so will post pics of my first page i scrapbook.
Also the last 2days i have been a good girl, really watching what i eat and drinking 1-2litres a day, am quite proud of myself, think things r going to look up from here on in. Its amazing what a positive mind set can do! :)
Well im off to the nursing home to visit my nan and show her me in my nursing uniform, shes been wanting to see it lol so cute.
Have an AWESOME day everyone!

feeling liberated...

Well today i woke up feeling liberated and oddly positive...strange for me. Iv decided to not weigh myself til October 31st...halloween hehehe, just to give myself a break from the love hate relationship i have going on with my scales...am going to knuckle down and drink plenty of water, start walking again now my ankle is better and watching my food intake, cut down portion sizes, sugars and fats and just try to love me more and treat my body with RESPECT!!!
Am just hoping to be more AWARE of what i'am doing to myself and more importantly for myself...
So thats what i'am thinking at the moment.
Im also going to try to stop thinking and worrying what people think of me, i do that way too much! And in the end what really matters is what I think of ME,because i'am going to be with myself for a long time,lol... My partner continues to make me feel so special and loved, he is always telling me how much he loves me and how beautiful i'am, i just need to start believing him and feeling it and i know with time i will believe that, as i feel better in myself.
I have been reading heaps of stories on other peoples journey with their band and am finding out that alot of people are simply relying on the band to do all the work for them, still eating junk food and wondering why they aren't losing...it just goes to show that it is a bit of a mind over matter situation and that u have to work on your mind as you lose the weight and work with the band not against it...its great that there are so many forums out there for people to swap and share stories, tips and even recipes (for the mushie stage etc) with each other.
I have also decided that once i'am banded my bands name will be Pammy, ie: Pamela Anderson lol...thought i should give her a name and it was quite fitting i thought. ;)
Well im going to put some music on and dance around the house while i clean,lol,burn some energy and fat...
Good morning, Good afternoon and Good night all ;>,

What A GREAT Day! :)

Hi all... Iv had an awesome day today, i finally met up with Miss Skinny Biddy and had a great time,thanks chicky! We also met up with some other gals from the PCOS forum, talking,laughing and sharing stories and our hopes with the band. Was so awesome to meet other women who are going through similar situations to me.
And to Miss Skinny Biddy, it was so great to finally meet you and hang out together, we got on like a house on fire and you inspire me soooo much and always offer me advice and many kind words, i relate to you so much on many levels... U ROCK! :) By the way ur new pics blew me away, u look so different and are continuing to transform yourself , So proud! :)
So i babysat after my fun day out and then had the family come over for tea, was good, and i did try not to overindulge, but i had some ice cream for dessert, but only a little. I'am starting to realise that the less i stress about what i eat and the less i put myself through the cycle of Guilt the easier it will be to make healthier sensible food choices..and iam going to really try to do that from now on. NO more negative self loathing or criticising ME...Iam a beautiful person and i DESERVE beautiful things. @-->--
Ohh and iam going to go go for a trial at the gym with Biddy in the next week, wanting to join so bad but its a matter of money, so hoping i can afford it, really want to get back into working out, once i get into it i love it, i leave the gym feeling so invigorated and its going to be so much more fun and inspiring to have a gym buddy to go with...GIRL POWER!!! hehehe
So only another month of study and prac left til i'am a fully qualified AIN and can work in Age Care etc, and i can't wait for the study to end and the hands on to begin, i'am really loving looking after the oldies, they are so sweet and wise and have so much that i can learn from them, i love hearing their stories...Its so rewarding to see them happy and smiling and knowing i have had something to do with that. And i just hope that when i get older that i will have someone to do the same for me.
Well im off to bed in a minute so i can get up at 4am to watch the MotoGP with my man,lol,i promised! Night Night all...

Im back!!!

Well, its been a while since iv blogged, but im back from my holiday and i had a blast...the wedding on Bribie was beautiful and my dress looked lovely...Hows this for freaky, my partner and i both caught the Garter and Bouquet, so i think that is a sign,i hope lol. And had my first dance with my man in the year and a half we have been together, was sooo sweet and special to me.
Ankle held up ok, am going back to the doc today for an xray to make sure things are ok...fingers crossed.
So being a casual iv got no shifts this week as yet, so am going to have to tighten the perstrings for the next couple of weeks, but it was worth it. Its so nice to get away but always great to be home, i missed my babies (my animals) thy were all so excited to see me, its nice to be missed lol.
I was going to jump on the scales and see what i had done on my holiday but decided against it, think i should just focus on getting back into eating healthy...Am a tad worried that the weight i have put on in the past few months has messed up my body internally alot, i haven't had my period for going on 3months if they don't come this week, am going to ask the doc about it today, have done a pregnancy test and im not pregnant so am wondering if it has something to do with my PCOS!? I haven't had this happen since i was 16!
I soo want this band done ASAP...i know it is my last resort and my light at the end of the tunnel, so hurry up july 09!
Thanku to everyone Especially Skinny Biddy for all ur comments, support and advice throughout my journey. Its really helping me and encouraging me to hold on.
Damn it feels good to blog again :)

The BEST Day!!!

I have had the BEST day! Today i got my partners surprise for me...he hired a Harley for 24hours to take me for a ride, knowing how much i love them..i was so stoked, well i still am... we just followed the road to wherever it took us, and ended up in some little town, at a pub havin a beer n lunch, then kept riding til the weather turned shit and decided to rain on us. We would've had longer on the bike, but had to go to one of those timeshare seminars so we could get the accommodation cheaper...damn they were sooo pushy!!! But anyways had an all round good day. We just went for a quick night ride while the rain had eased, was mad seeing Surfers all lit up...very pretty!
Dreamworld was a bit of a non event though...As i expected the only ride i could go on was the water rapids, the other rides harnesses were too small or some shit, was quite frustrating...its like they think fat people don't want or don't deserve to go on rides...Bastards! But that will be my reward after i reach my goal weight...to spend a few days at the theme parks going on all the rides!!!
Seen a pic of myself and damn i knew i had gotten big but it was a shock as to how big....I HAVE to do something!
Has anyone heard of or tried accupuncture and/or chinese herbs for weight loss? If so did it work?
Off to Bribie tomorrow am looking forward to seeing it and seeing my friends get married... Iam still waiting for my "Ring" though lol... one day!
Well im off to have a shower and relax...Cause im on holidays and thats what im going to do ;),