too much going on!!!

well well well...What a night!!! so after doing a 9hr shift last night and seeing someone get glassed in the eye, i got home after 1am to find my bro,mum and partner having a D&M, and i got a bombshell dropped, and iam sooo mad, and not sure what to do with my emotions.... some people are so selfish, and iam referring to my so called sis in law, she is the most selfish, cruel, manipulative, hypocritical person iv ever known... so anyways was up til 5am trying to talk to my bro and help him through his hard time and then woke up feeling ohh so emotionally drained today.... Iam feeling down, and also inadequate...
My partner has copped it this morning, and for some reason all my insecurities are coming out! I feel like because of my weight gain iam really unattractive, and wondering why he is with me, really negative and not good i know, but i can't seem to pull myself out of it. Im also worried that he will find someone else, though deep down i know thats not true! Our intimacy is non existent at the moment, mainly because of work patterns, life and me feeling insecure.... i just feel like iam pushing him away...
So iv had my little vent, i think thank fuck for blogs at times like these, because the irrational thoughts in my head are better put to paper(so to speak) then blurted out.... i do feel a little better now. thanks everyone for listening lol.
On the other hand had a great day with Bridgy on Thursday, went to Yum Cha, which was yummy, then shopping and found some nice summer clothes and watched bridgy buy a hot new dress and killer shoes, was stoked for her, she looked great!
So i think i really need a reading, some guidance or something... well I'm going to take this face mask off before it hardens too much... okie dokie.... bye for now...